Thursday, September 20, 2012

Chapter 5: Giraffes and Security Blankies


Chapter 5: Giraffes and Security Blankies


“The shipment from Greece is delayed, so our reserves of Kalamata olives, kefalograviera and mavrodaphne wines are low, Santiago. We’ll have to take some dishes from the menu ‘till we get stocked again”

He didn’t look pleased, so I had to pull the big guns.

I thought it’d be a good moment to replace them temporary for some of your signature dishes perhaps? If they’re a success, we can always keep them on the menu and that would be a great opportunity for you”

His face said it all; nobody in their right mind would refuse a chance like that.

“Do you think Renata would go along with it?”

“Renata doesn’t really care what we serve as long it looks classy, and has a few ingredients with names she can’t pronounce properly”

“I can have a few dishes ready for tomorrow so we can meet for a sample meeting and decide.”

I could almost see the mechanisms in his head starting to move.

Crisis averted.

The first thing you have to take care of in a high-end restaurant is having the Executive Chef happy. A pissy EC can make the lives of every single person working there hell. Believe me, I’ve been there.

“Oh, one more thing, Bella: Do we still have to put up with Barty’s crap?”

“No, I talked to him and made clear the Italian ocetra he was trying to sell us was low-quality, so if he wants to have a deal with us, he’d better send us the good stuff. He can always find a few of those new moneys who don’t know their head from their butt to  sell his cheap caviar.”

I went to the kitchen to grab a coffee before I sat at my desk and started discussing the vegetables and herbs on the phone with our providers.

Three seconds after my ass hit the chair, Renata came strolling into my office swaying her hips with her usual weird cadence. She must have thought it was sexy, but frankly I always found it forced. She reminded me of the singers in one of those ‘all-girls’ groups during the sixties.

But there was nothing girly or pink about Renata. She was artificial from head to toe. Fake tan, hair extensions, tons of silicon spread all over her body and long acrylic nails covered with channel’s ‘midnight red’ polish.

She seemed to try for femme fatale but she usually ended up looking like Lindsay Lohan in a trashy day.

She sat on the corner of my desk, clearly wanting something. She was never at the restaurant that early, so whatever she was up to, it couldn’t be good.

“Bella, sweetie, I was informed that you sat at one of our V.I.P. guests’ table last night. Is that true?”

I nodded. I didn’t trust her when she started with the sugar-coated nicknames and that dulcet tone.

“Well, you see, dear, I know you didn’t think you were doing anything wrong, believe me…” She put one of her manicured hands on her heart in an exaggerated gesture “…but we have an image to keep. Men like Ed don’t appreciate the staff interrupting their meal.”

I was speechless, livid and embarrassed, all in one. She must have misunderstood me, ‘cause she smiled condescendingly and went on with her patronizing tone.

“Don’t worry, darling, no need to apologize. I’m just telling you so you can learn from your mistakes. I talked to him and Edward’s a gentleman; not only he didn’t complain, but he also tried to cover you saying he had begged you to sit at his table”

She let out one of her affected practiced laughs covering her mouth with the tips of her fingers.

“I know, right? Like anybody would believe Ed has ever begged a girl for anything! And you, of all people? It was so hilarious that I had trouble keeping my face straight when he told me that”

I’ve had enough of her crap.

“Edward actually asked me to keep him company. He’s my dear friend and I couldn’t deny it to him, Renata. You have to understand, right honey? Everybody knows how much he hates eating alone”

I plastered the sweetest smile I could muster on my lips and looked innocently at her.

She didn’t disappoint. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, but didn’t utter a word as her face went through various shades of red, pink and purple. It was funny as hell! It was like looking at a human-sized kaleidoscope with D-cups.

“Whatever” She finally managed to say and stormed out of my office, the click-clack of her Manolo’s fading away in the corridor.

She scores! And the crowd goes wild! Ahhhhhh! Brunettes 2: Blondes 0

~ * ~

By the time I reached back home, I was restless. I haven’t heard a word from Edward in all day, no phone call, not even a text. I almost expected to find flowers at home delivered in my absence.

Nothing.

Granted Mike haven’t contacted me either, unless I counted the usual two or three sentences he always sent me by email in the mornings, but considering that it was mostly work-related, so it shouldn’t count.

But it wasn’t Mike’s silence what was bothering me, after all he had always been a man of few words, and he never called me if he didn’t have anything in particular to ask or say. We could spend a week without seeing each other or talking on the phone.

What was bothering me was the fact that I have grown attached to Edward and I missed him.

Deciding that I shouldn’t be expecting anything from him ‘cause he was nothing but a friend, I went to bed determined to examine my situation with Mike instead. In the end, he was my boyfriend, and in the last few days I’ve had some revelations about our relationship that were starting to worry me.

Edward was right. Settling for the lesser evil only in self-defence wasn’t healthy. Not that Mike was anywhere near evil, I mean, he was my safe choice, I could have done way worse, but still…It wasn’t what I wanted, I knew deep down that I’d never be truly happy, I'd just get used. And I would be dragging an innocent down with me.

After some time, I’d become bitter and take my frustration on him.

Besides, didn’t everybody deserve a chance to find that kind of love that melts you bones and give you wings? A love all consuming and world-shaking that makes you forget your own name? If I dragged him with me, I’d be stealing that chance from him too.

I might not find that love for me, but would I be able to live in peace knowing that Mike lived his life without his opportunity because of me?

I knew there was a possibility that none of us ever found it, but still, I couldn’t carry the burden of killing somebody else’s dreams along with mine. And much less if my only apparent excuse was cowardice and convenience.

If I didn’t have the guts to try to fly, even with the excuse of my mangled wings, could I chain up another person to me so none of us could take the sky? Only to avoid feeling lonely? ‘Cause routine was safe?

I didn’t think so. I felt like a horrible person, so guilty and selfish.

What if Mike’s ideal woman had already come and gone, and he didn’t met her ‘cause he was with me? What if his train had already left?

What if you’re Mike’s train?

That was impossible. I couldn’t be the woman of his dreams. First of all, ‘cause I couldn’t picture myself as anybody’s ideal, but most importantly ‘cause no matter what I thought of myself, there was no spark.

Damn spark! I could have lived my life without experiencing that electricity, that jolt of magic that pulls you to another person like a magnet, without even noticing it.

Thanks to Edward now I knew how it felt, and I had never felt like that with Mike, not even in the beginning. It has always been the same gentle care, hugs without emotion, gazes without intensity, sex on weekends out of routine.

I had been thankful when he first made love to me, ‘cause he had been kind.

Kind…

Kind is pink.

Kind is tame.

Kind is mild.

Mike was mild. In all the aspects of his life. He wanted safety, comfort, order. He never raised his voice and he never did anything crazy just because. He never made love anywhere aside from a bed, never on a weekday and preferably with the lights off.

I fell asleep still thinking about that. Could I let go of my security blanket? Could I ruin his life by being selfish and keeping him?

~ * ~

Tuesday crawled at snail pace. Not a sign from Edward, Alice has taken a few days off and she was visiting her family in N.C., nothing exciting happening at Mela’s and I still haven’t made up my mind about my boyfriend.

If I considered it, the day wasn’t any different from any other day in the past; the problem was a lot of things had happened the previous days. Things that put my world upside-down. I couldn’t even examine each situation for a certain amount of time that something else was happening next.

And then, nothing.

I guessed I was having an abstinence crisis. It seemed I had become an adrenaline junkie in two days.

Should we call you an Edward junkie?

Why in hell didn’t he come with a warning label? “Don’t directly apply to exposed skin, highly addictive. No known antidotes”. Even insecticide companies do that all the time and they have the antidote for fudge’s sake!

~ * ~

The house was empty without Ali. I brought food home from the restaurant as usual, I didn’t even think it’d be only me.

I imagined that camping on the couch for a while would make me feel less lonely, so I turned on the TV, set the volume low and had my usual midnight snack there.

Contrary to what most people think, when you are the manager of a restaurant you don’t actually get any chances to have a decent meal at the time the rest of the normal beings do. You can either take a chance and try to eat while praying Heaven no mayor problem will arise while you’re at it; or you can be more realistic and grab a bite before the rush hour and then starve until you get home, like me.

I was halfway down my dessert when I had the great idea.

I was good at business; I had filled all the unpleasant ‘holes’ in my life with work and I had survived. Perhaps if I analysed my problem with Mike using a detached business perspective I could arrive to the conclusions I so desperately needed.

I brought my lappy to the couch and started with the research.

Forty minutes later, I had the situation almost wrapped up.

I had to eliminate 99% of the common reasons why relationships usually go downhill, but after reading a few articles and taking five different tests, I decided that the lack of spark was indeed a good reason.

What?

It was listed, so it worked for me.

I felt sorry for the couples having problems worse than mine, I even felt lucky in contrast.

There were only two solutions to our problem: Counselling or separating for a determined period of time and use that period to revaluate and then decide.

I discarded counselling ‘cause both members were supposed to talk about what they thought they were missing and what they could do to meet each other’s expectations; and once the common ground was determined, compromise.

That wasn’t clearly going to work considering Mike was hunky-dory, I was the one with the problem. And we’d never reach to any agreement ‘cause Mike was just not what I wanted, he was what I needed to feel safe and I was supposed to put on my big girl panties and let go of the security blanky in spite of everything.

Now, they idea of taking some time, each one on their own, to revaluate had possibilities.  First, it wouldn’t be such a traumatic break up if we decided to end our relationship when the ‘trial period’ was over; and second, it would give me an idea of what to expect. What if I ended up missing Mike like crazy and wanted to be with him? What if I felt lost without him and couldn’t let him go?


Yeah, the ‘trial period’ sounded like a loophole to get back in if I found out that I didn’t have the guts to break up with him. And at least I’d have the experience for the future, something to think of each time I wanted to set the picket fence on fire.

Finally the statistics showed that the 95% of the couples who took that option never came back together. Oh well, that had to do with an attachment curve I didn’t understand clearly, but apparently I was in the ‘high avoidance and dismissing’ quadrant, whatever that meant.

Pfffhhhh!! At least I had something I could work with. Empiric information and stats were part of my safe world, I could move easily there. When nobody asked you to feel, just to examine a situation and take decisions, things were a lot simpler.

I went to bed that night determined to talk to Mike and ask him for some time to think.

~ * ~

I woke up to Jace Everett singing on my night table.

“When you came in the air went out and every shadow filled up with doubt…”

What? Bad things was the ringtone I’ve set for Edward. I’d have gone for Closer by NIN but it would have been difficult to explain if I wasn’t alone and my cell started screaming about wanting to fuck somebody like an animal. Bad things was safe, I could tell anybody that I liked it from True Blood and problem solved.

And I wanted to do bad things with him anyway…real bad things

About fucking time the Ice Queen started to melt

Shut up, bitch! I don’t argue with my conscience before my first cup of coffee.

“Morning, love. Did I wake you up?”

I sighed in relief. God! How could I have missed his voice so much?

“No…yes, but it’s ok, it’s the time I usually wake up, don’t worry Edward”

“Ok, I wanted to get a hold of you before you had breakfast, I think I got that one right at least. I apologize for waking you up...Would you like to have breakfast with me?”

“I’d love to, but…”

“I’m sorry; I didn’t think you could be busy in the morning. Maybe tomorrow?”

“No…It’s not that, I’m not busy. I don’t even work on Wednesdays, it’s just…You-wouldn’t-want-toseemeinthemorning” I said in a rush

“Say what?”

Yay! I finally confused Edward Cullen! Go me!

“Could you repeat that, love? But slower this time, please. I haven’t been awake for too long and still need my coffee to function”

I had to laugh at that. Apparently I wasn’t the only one whose brain worked on caffeine.

“Edward, do you have any idea how long a woman needs to be decent enough to brave the streets? A lot of time! That’s why we tend to have breakfast at home, in sleepwear and barefoot, and once properly caffeinated and fed, we start the tricky task of making ourselves presentable”

“Sleepwear and barefoot? That sounds tempting…Tell me, are we talking about skimpy sleeping clothes?”

“You wish! The Southern Belle Nazi is in Charlotte visiting her family…I’m taking advantage of her absence and wearing an old, huge thermal shirt and knitted socks.”

Did he groan?

“Your description still sounds tempting, Bella”

“Oh, nonono. Believe me, my rainbow socks are anything but sexy”

“I doubt it. Anyway, is the ‘no encounters for breakfast’ one of the Pink Ladies’ rules?

“Of course!” I tried to sound indignant but failed miserably.

“And Alice left you alone…How very un-pink of her! What if you picked a bag that crashed with your dress color? What if - God forbid us all- you went out wearing something banned by the Southern Belles’ society?”

The mock of horror in his voice made me giggle. He was chuckling too.

“I tell you what we’re going to do, Bella. You have 15 minutes to put on your rattiest jeans, sneakers and whatever thing you want to wear on top. I’ll pick you up and we’re gonna have breakfast…”

“But…”

“No buts, love. You said Pink Ladies didn’t have fun. Today we’re gonna break as many rules in that fucking pink book as possible. Now get ready, cos the clock is ticking. 15 minutes. I promise I’ll drag you into my car when your time is over no matter what you’re wearing…And as much as I’d enjoy having you half-dressed, I don’t think you’d appreciate it”

And the line went dead.

I tried to call him back but he had turned off his cell phone.

Son of a shrimp in tartar sauce!

The clock is ticking, babycakes…

Right. I had the feeling that being completely dressed by the time he arrived would be a good idea.

He wanted ratty clothes? I’d show him ratty. I jumped out of my bed and headed to the closet laughing.


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